Status Quo

Things are pretty much the same today. Work day was the same, mood is the same, another 24 hours gone by.

The only noticeable difference is three inches of freshly fallen snow in Cincinnati.

Movie recommendation for today (okay, I know it's the first one, but I need something to change): "The Trip". Fantastic love story with some great humor combined.

Other than that, time to find my wallowing hole....

If it weren't for....

I wonder what my life would be like if it weren't for my son. I can't imagine how different things would be.

Few things in life make me happy right now...I'm glad that he is one of those few. I know fully well how he loves me without condition, and he enjoys his time when he is with me.

Thanks, Matthew. You will never know what you mean to me.

Self-pity

On this day four years ago, I made a mistake...a mistake that has changed my life. Changed for the better? I don't believe so. I rocked my own world. Now I'm laying in the the bed I made. I'm certainly not happier. To this day I don't forgive myself. Where am I now?

Four years have left me in a world of self-pity. I put on a happy face, but I can still see the sadness in my eyes, hiding behind my smile. I certainly cry more often.

I'm also stuck in a life of self-doubt. I did it myself, I know. I don't feel like I'm worthy anymore. I wander aimlessly. I have no direction.

The one good thing I have in my life is the nonjudgmental love of my son. Thank goodness for that.

All I can say is I'm sorry. Maybe someday I'll be forgiven. Maybe somehow I'll atone for my mistake. Things will never be the same.